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I haven't been crazy mad happy for a long while now because every time I am, I think how life's such a breeze, and then things suddenly go downhill. It's like a jinx of sorts. When I finally think how good life is, my world comes crashing down. I used to be able to tell people that I enjoyed life blah blah blah, but now I'm just too afraid. Things right now, aren't looking up. I'm not even referring to anything in particular, but I'm just not crazy mad happy anymore. It's as though I've retreated into some shell and tried in vain to shut out all the negativity. I still think negative thoughts. I still feel insecure, and probably more frequently nowadays. It's during these times that I realise how much I'm grateful for friends like Sam, Farah, Abby, Dels & K. They know me inside out, and they're always there for me no matter what. But even with as many friends as there as stars in the sky, any human being would feel insecure about themselves. I wish I could lock all these thoughts away into a "Do not ever open" file in my brain and finally open and ctrl alt del when I'm stronger. I feel sickeningly fragile, and everything negative directed to me sends me into shock, anger and fear. My self esteem is at its lowest for a while now. So gross so gross. I disgust myself.

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Farah Tan, it was good seeing you after a million years today. I missed you and I really hope we hang out more often love. Not that this will be difficult noting that you work at Borders too (: Hopefully, we'll have the same break SOON. & Farah, I hope we'll become better friends, and a whole lot closer.

Sam, sometimes I think that you're the only one who fully understands how I feel about everything. Thank you for always making me feel better about myself even when it involves me breaking down at the river. Thank you for not judging me when I told you my secret. You don't know how much I'm grateful for that. You're the best person I've come to meet and we'll definitely be friends for a long time. I love you so so so much and sometimes I wish you could see the Sam I see. The pretty, understanding, loving, funny, crazy, mad Sam.

Abby, I'm very grateful for you. For not abandoning me when some friendships came to an end. For never criticising me and laughing at the ridiculous things I do. Thank you for always being the listening ear and for everythingggggg. I'm so happy that you're staying in sg and not going back to Australia. Though I haven't been meeting you that often for at least a week now due to work committments and your school committments, know that I didn't forget you. I never will, cross my heart and hope to die. I love you velly velly much Abbywebbygailwail. (Ahbeeeeegayleee)

Farah Rassemi, I never expected us to become this close but nonetheless, I'm really glad we are. Though you like speaking your mind and making me feel like absolute crap (unintentionally I reckon), I know that you care and that you're just telling it like it is. Haha. What you told me last night really made me think and it made me feel better. Really. All this while, I've been a bit blind, haha. Reallyyyy. I love you okay Fatimah (:

Delsyyyy, I miss you luh. I miss your retardedly lame ass jokes and the way you laughed out loud (like a mad woman) all the time. Even though you like to be irritatingly mean to me, I still love you luh ass. (: (: (: (:

Aaron Adiaz Tay aka Monkey (: I don't know why you decided to spread some cheer to me but really, it couldn't have come at a better time. I misss you and I hope we'll meet soon (: I haven't seen you since Byrne's 18th. (A MONTH)

[Adiaz]: hiii monkey you!
[Adiaz]: just thought i'd send you some cheer, for no apparant reason (:
Nicole: hellllooo monkey (:
Nicole: talk about right timing haha
[Adiaz]: aww.
[Adiaz]: oh no something happened?
[Adiaz]: well shant probe. look after yourself yeah
Nicole: sort offff, and I'm just veryyyyy insecure
[Adiaz]: be strong k? i know youre made of tough stuff.
Nicole: awwwhh thank you

Aaron, you just made my day (or whatever's left of it) (: